When Life Hands You Bananas

Ever since he was a kid, my dad has had a fear of bananas.

Dad, you’re going to want to close your eyes for this post.

A couple of weeks ago, I learned firsthand about the importance of proofreading. I placed my usual Sunday Fresh Direct order, stocking up on groceries to be delivered for the week. I maybe thought for a split-second that the total bill was a little high, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. When it was delivered, however, it was anything but ordinary. Box after box of bananas arrived at my door. At first I thought it had to be a mistake — surely this was someone else’s order, or maybe a bad joke being played by the delivery men? But no, when I looked back at my receipt online, I had ordered not 1 bunch of bananas, but 11. And Fresh Direct doesn’t skimp on their bananas; each bunch had 7-8 or more. Yes, that’s roughly 88 bananas. No, I didn’t call to see if they were returnable.

Pretty much everyone’s response when I told them this story was, “You’re going to make a lot of banana bread, right??” But while I love banana bread (you must try this recipe), I own a baking company, and I have a constant supply of cookies, brownies, and cakes at my disposal. The last thing I needed was a dining room table covered in banana bread. But of course I couldn’t throw all of these bananas away, so I resolved to make a bunch of healthy recipes with them. The only problem (okay, there were a lot of problems–more to come) is that bananas are really only good to bake with once they’re really ripe or overripe, which took a full week, and by the end of the week, my apartment smelled SO BANANA-Y from all of those darn ripening bananas that I could hardly stand to be inside.

The biggest problem of all was that by the second or third day I had taken to eating up to four bananas per day: with my oatmeal in the morning, for snacks with smears of peanut butter in the afternoon, and sliced up in tortillas with honey for dessert. And I became allergic (that’s my word for it, anyway) to bananas. My eyes started to get puffy. My throat got itchy. I got massive stomach aches. Yet still I had dozens of bananas spread across my dining room table, so I did what I had to do: I made banana chips and banana sorbet and, finally, chocolate covered frozen bananas that will last me all summer long.

I’m pleased to say that, after going on a banana fast for a whole week, I’ve been eating some of the banana sorbet this week, and it’s mighty delicious, not to mention, it hasn’t made my eyes puffy yet.

Long story short, no matter how much you think you love bananas, always proofread your work.

P.S. In case you ever find yourself with a surplus of bananas, my banana recipes were loosely based on these:

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